The Further Adventures of Bobo Fat
by vegemite
Summary: Sequel to The Story of Bobo Fat. Bill is back, and he has...a girlfriend? Gods have mercy! Plus, a new quest from the Sarlacc for poor, bloaty Boba. COMPLETE!
1. I M to the B x2

Hey y'all!

I'm sowwy that I haven't put this up yet. I swear, I have been working on it, but sequels are HARD, and I'm afraid this one may not hold up to the original. Well, blame FanFictionFreakofnature for this, because he/she reviewed and I realized that perhaps I _should_ put this up. I have about half of it or so written, but I'll be thinking about it and plugging away! I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS! And I don't own Boba Fett. I own Bill, but most of the other characters are based on someone else (I heart you guys!). Anyway, here it is, **The Further Adventures of Bobo Fat**.

P.S. Bill didn't really die. That was just me being silly. :P

* * *

**I. (M to the B)x2**

"Hey, Fat, are we going to see your girlfriend?" Bill the sometimes-drugged Twi'lek taunted as he was being dragged through the streets of Nar Shaddaa.

Boba Fett sighed. "You shall refer to me as 'Your Lordship!' How many _times_ do I have to tell you?"

"OK, Your Lardship."

Fett punched his slave in the side of the head, irritated. Ever since Fett had sacrificed his Maalox Max to the Sarlacc and become...bloated, Bill had been increasingly disrespectful, calling him 'Bobo Fat' and prodding the flesh sticking out from his now rather tight Mandalorian armor. How was he ever going to face other bounty hunters when his _slave_ wasn't even taking his seriously?

"Yes, we are going to see Momo. Yes, you are going to shut up. Yes, I will beat you to a bloody pulp if you so much as open your mouth."

"But-"

"Ah!" Fett cut him off with his hand.

"I-"

"BLOODY PULP!" Heh, the roariness...

Fett quickened his pace and within a minute they were back at that old theater that housed the lovely-

"MOMO!" Fett trilled ( 0.o Agh). "Momo, I'm baaaack!"

"Bobie!" Momo emerged from behind the curtains on the stage. "Oh, Bobie, you're alive!" They ran towards each other dramatically. Think slow motion, Chariots of Fire, etcetera. Boba swept her into his arms and held her close. Bill gagged.

"Oh, Bobie, how I've missed you these past 3.47 days!"

"It does not matter now, Momo, because we are together."

"Excuse me while I throw up."

Momo shot Bill and evil glare. "You haven't gotten rid of him?"

"Well, my dear, he's very entertaining. I thought perhaps he could be our pet. And he makes an exquisite-tasting ketchup drink...Don't worry, Bill, you'll understand some day!" He yelled over at the pouting Twi'lek.

"I already _have_ a pet, Bobie. My mother sent over my sister from our home planet. I think she got sick of her incessant whining, but I find it quite amusing, as long as I have spice on hand to shut her up sometimes...Mill! Mill, come here and meet my boyfriend!" Momo yelled. "MILL!"

"ComING! I don't wanna meet stupid Boba Fett, your stupid boy...friend..." a woman with hair much darker than Momo's but with the same sparkling green-brown eyes emerged from back stage. She wasn't as...er...creatively dressed as Momo but was still quite attractive. She was staring at awe in BIll, who was gazing, mouth open, at her.

"My queen!"

"Sis, _who _is _that_?"

"Oh, that's just Bobo's little slave-"

"Bill. Incredibly, ecstatically pleased to meet you." Bill was on the stage, kissing Mill's hand and bowing over it. Fett rolled his eyes in his helmet and sighed in irritation.

"Well, Bill, uh...hi. Mill. Well, Malicia. But my family calls me Mill. They don't understand my yearning to be evil! Momo always got to be evil, what, with dating _Boba Fett_, and she didn't even want to be evil! I'm always the baby! I just want to be evil!"

"I understand...Malicia."

"Be still my beating heart!" Mill put one hand over her chest.

"My dearest Malicia, you are the most gorgeous, breathtaking, lovely, divine-"

"Oh, shut up and kiss me, Bill!" She pulled him towards her and smashed their faces together. At least, that was what it looked like. Smashing. Momo winced and she and Boba shuddered in unison.

"OK, that's quite enough, you two. Stop. NOW!" Mill and Bill seemed oblivious to the elder couple's discomfort. Well, let's be honest, they were very discomforted. Here was Momo's baby sister and Boba's slave (whom he had grown to be quite fond of, though he would never admit it, even to himself) sucking each other's faces off with the vacuum power of a black hole. It was very...discomforting.

Eventually Boba got out his blaster and shot it at the ceiling, causing enough racket ("You'll have to pay for that chandelier, Bobo") to pull the two apart, startled. They grinned at each other, rather stupidly, Fett thought.

"Right. Well, we'd best be going." Fett ran onto the stage and grabbed Bill by thecollar, wrenching him away from a clinging Mill.

"Call me, baby."

"I don't have your number!"

"Don't have one. Just call Mr. Fat here." At this Momo started fuming.

"How _dare _you call my Bobo...you're-you're bloated!"

Bill looked atMomo, smirking. "What, you only just noticed?"

"Oh, Boba! We simply must find you some more Maalox Max!"

"I know I'm fat and bloated, OK? Stop bugging me about it! Just...buy me a membership to a gym or something, that might help!" Boba stormed out, irritated and dragging a forlorn Bill.

"I'll find ya, baby!"

Fett snorted. "Not while I have anything to do with it!"

* * *

So? Review! Please? 

Once again, I feel it necessary to apologize to Mill/Malicia (millpzonesyou). I'm sorry I wrote you as kissing Bill! Well, not really, I rather like the silly relationship. But sorry for painting such a wierd picture of you!


	2. II SPECIST!

I decided to put this up because I'm becoming paranoid and am hoping this bumps up the story a little bit...no revieeeeeews! (heavy breathing) Somewhat shortish.

* * *

**II. SPECIST!**

"What the heck is wrong with you, Bill?" Boba was becoming a little exasperated. Bill had been moping around the Fettmobile for the past two days, ever since he'd met Mill.

"I'm pining for my one true love, the beautiful Malicia. You have torn us apart, cruel bounty hunter. I know her heart longs for me as mine does for her. If only I could defy you and win the right to see my love!"

"Ha! You'll never defy me, Bill. Will he? No, he won't." Fett had started stroking his blaster and talking to it. "We'll disintegrate him."

Bill looked at him oddly. "Whatever. Leave me be, cruel master. Let me wallow in my agony of separation from my Malicia."

"Bill, you're no fun when you're like this. I wish you'd never met the woman. She'll destroy you mind. You guys aren't even the same species!"

"So? Fett!" Bill gasped. "Are you specist?"

"What? No, I'm not specist!"

"You are! You're specist. My own evil slave master..." Bill shook his head in disbelief.

"I am NOT SPECIST! I just hope you guys think first if you ever decide to have children." Boba shuddered. There was a disturbing thought.

"I knew it, SPECIST! Love breaks through all barriers, be they species or evil sisters and bounty hunters!"

Boba snorted. "I only said it because you're so utterly repulsive that I would be deeply sorry for said offspring."

"Oh."

"And besides, don't you mean 'lust' breaks through all barriers?"

"You think I can't love?" Bill said defiantly.

"No, I don't think you can love. Your little 16-Twi'lek-years-of-age body is simply too rampant with hormones for you to even know what 'love' is. Now, can we _please_ stop talking about this?"

"You said please...again!" Bill gasped. "Does this mean you actually...like me?"

"No! I despise you, maggot!" Nowgo get me some bolts or something!"

"Specist..." Bill muttered under his breath, going off to do as Fett pleased, lest he get a blaster bolt to the brain.

Fett put his helmeted head in his hands. "Why?" he cried out. "Why him, of all the McDonald's workers in the universe? Why is it that I get the bread-addicted teenage Twi'lek who falls madly in love with my girlfriend's sister? WHY?"

Bill popped his head into the room. "Because otherwise, you'd have no fun."


	3. III Or Bobo Gets It!

Sorry it's taken so long, it's just fairly depressing when no one reviews your stories (hint hint). I'm getting very, very desperate...

This chappie inspired by millpzonesyou/TFKAK, when I threatened to kill of Boba unless she brought me the pictures from the play we were in together. Thankies, Miss Mill :)

**III. ...Or Bobo Gets It!**

"We're going to the theater?" Bill asked, stars in his eyes at the prospect of seeing Mill.

"Yes, already! Stop acting all goofball! You've asked 12 times already, and the answer is still yes! Jeez, you're more annoying in lust than when drugged, if that's possible. And here, I thought you had reached the limits of your ability to make a fool of yourself."

"Never underestimate my abilities! And besides, I'd rather be a fool in love than a sensible man who knows her not."

"OK, Romeo, we're going to have to lay down some ground rules here. First of all, nothing happens on my ship. I'd like to keep it CLEAN. Second, you're not staying out until all hours of the night. Last, you're subject to my sadistic pleasures, so if I say you don't see her, then you don't see her. Same is true with Momo. Got it?"

"I hate you..."

"Heh. Good." Boba reached for the door as they arrived at the theater. "In."

Momo was on stage, singing in her sparkly red dress with Mill chained to and playing piano in a very small corner.

"Mill, darling, dearest--" Bill started to run down the aisle towards the stage.

"Ah ah ah." Fett shook his finger, grabbing Bill by the scruff of his collar. "Only if I say."

"But--"

"Oh, how it pays to be sadistic and have a slave!" Fett sighed happily.

"I--I--Mill--" Bill's heart and mind were about to explode from his overwhelming desire to see his one true love. Out of sheer desperation and love he moved, lightening fast, to draw Boba's blaster and point it at his head.

"Release Mill, Momo, or Bobo gets it!"

"Ooh, Bill, nice. Threatening my sister using your own slave master? That's good."

"Thanks, babe."

"Bobo, what should I do?" Momo cried out.

"Just let the silly girl out. I don't feel like activating my jetpack."

"You have a jetpack? So cool! I mean, uh, yeah, let her go."

Momo sighed and produced a small key, using it to unlock the chains that bound. Bill threw the gun aside (which happened to be into Fett's head) and held out his arms as Mill ran towards him. He spun her around in a circle as they hugged.

"Oh, Bill, that was so brave and sweet. And quite evil, too."

"I did it all for you, my love. Did it please you?"

"Yes, I knew you had a gorgeous face, but you also have evil potential to match!" The two laughed together and sat down in a row. Boba rolled his eyes and stalked towards the stage.

"Well, my darling Momo, what have you been up to?" he asked indifferently, picking some residue off his shoulder and leaning against the piano.

"Oh, singing, dancing, torturing my love-stricken sister. The usual."

"That must be quite refreshing, after a long day in those heels." He tickled her under the chin playfully. "You really should go into the bounty hunting business; you'd blow the competition away."

"I'd never be able to deal with those slimy Hutts. I'm used to a...finer type of people."

There was a loud laugh from Mill in the back of the theater.

"Hey, quiet down! Kids." Boba shook his head.

"Why'd you let him have his way?"

"Ah, I got tired of his incessant whining."

"No, that's now it." She grinned widely. "You actually like the kid."

"What? No, that's--no! I loathe Bill!"

"That's OK, even bounty hunters are allowed to have friends."

Fett crossed his arms and slouched. "Nuh-uh."

"Yes, they are. it's OK, I still wuv you, Bobie wobie obie." She gave him a big hug.

"I know. I...wuv you too." He sighed in resignation.

She smiled nervously. "Good. Because I used your account to buy myself a dress made of diamonds."

"WHAT!"


	4. IV Fuh fuh fuh?

YAY! There are reviews! (Dances for joy!)

**Padfoot Reincarnated - **Thank you! That's what I aim for ;)  
**Freetrader - **Thank you! Nice to hear from you here. I actually have great reservations about my sequels, and the first one I actually had a ton of inspiration, and this one is a little bit harder...but I'm up to a challenge! Thank you for your enthusiasm - makes me want to update more :D  
**Paris - **Stop tempting these poor people with your knowledge of future events in my fics :P But, yeah, the next chapter is fun :)

* * *

**IV. "Fuh--fuh--fuh--?"**

"Well, it's just a little on, dear."

"A--" Fett was in a stupor. "A _little _one? That's even worse! What do you mean, a 'little one?'"

"Well, it's sort of...small, but--"

"How much?" He asked, leaning against the piano for support.

"What do you--?"

"HOW MUCH?"

Momo shrank back and braced herself. "Five million."

"CREDITS!"

She nodded timidly.

"Fuh--fuh--fuh--" Boba staggered backwards, his hand grasping his chest. "Five...million...credits..." He collapsed onto the piano and slid to the floor in a stupor.

"But, Bobie, I had to! There's another performer who has a _ruby_ dress! Besides, I'll look simply divine--"

"Get. It. Now." Boba hissed.

"But--"

"GET IT NOW." Momo started and scurried off the stage. How could the woman be so insensible? A _diamond_ dress? Was she _trying_ to drive him to more meager Hutt bounties?

"Having relationship issues, Bobo?" Bill called from the back of the theater as Mill giggle. Still slumped against the piano, Boba held his hand up and gave Bill the finger.

"Touch-y."

_I hate you, Bill. When we get home, you're taking a bath in some acid, and I hope you shrivel up and die._

"H-here it is." Momo held out the dress far away from her body. Fett ripped it out of her hands. He examined it for a few seconds.

"Return it."

"But, sweetie--"

"RETURN IT! Do NOT try to sugar your way into my wallet, Momo. You are in enough trouble as it is; I will NOT have you manipulating me as well.

"Yes, Boba." Mill bowed her head, picked up the dress, and went backstage again. Fett felt a small pang; she'd called him just 'Boba.'

Fett stormed off the stage and out the doors, yanking Bill out of his seat as he went.

"Hey, what's up with this, Bobie?" Bill protested. Fett yanked him by the collar until the Twi'lek was mere inches away from the feared Mandalorian visor.

"Not funny." Boba shoved him away and continued on.

"Fett, what's wrong?" Bill was genuinely concerned now. This wasn't like his evil slave master.

"Just shut up, Bill, OK? Just, seriously, shut up."

"Bill closed his mouth. What could he say to that?

And then there was a thrumming sound.


	5. V The Return of the Flying DevilSpawn

**V. The Return of the Flying Devil-Spawn **

The 162,331 devil-spawn were there, on Nar Shaddaa. Fett muttered a string of curses under his breath.

"Hello, Boba Fett. It appears that we meet again."

"Yeah. And?" Boba asked dryly.

"The master has a new quest for you."

"Tell him to stuff it." Boba started to stalk away but the devil-spawn blocked his path (there ARE rather a lot of them).

"Not so fast. He's willing to pay this time." Bill perked up.

"Yay, money!"

"How much?" Fett asked, sighing in defeat.

"Four million."

"What does he want?" he asked suspiciously. No one paid that much unless it was a really bad job...

"A kilo of toxic chooc-laat-covered strawpberries from Kashyyyk."

Boba stopped, dumbfounded. Then he started backing away slowly. "No!"

"Then you are aware of the procedure?"

"Yes! And _no_!"

"No is not an option."

"I won't do it!" He stuck his chin out and crossed his arms defiantly.

"Then it seems that we are at an impasse. Let us consult the Twi'lek."

"No! He's, uh, mute. Just stricken mute." Boba whipped out his blaster and shoved the end into Bill's mouth. The devil-spawn knocked the gun away and picked up Bill.

"You like money, don't you...name?"

"Bill," he squeaked.

"Well, you like money, don't you?"

"Yes."

"And, Bill, you _want_ money, don't you?"

"Don't answer!" Bill felt the devil-spawn tighten their grip.

"YES! Yes, I want money!" The devil-spawn dropped him.

"Then it's settled. Go forth to Kashyyyk, and bring back the strawpberries."

"You do know it takes at least a month?" Fett wasn't looking forward to this...

"Yes. He's willing to wait. After all, he's a very patient being. It takes him 1,000 years to digest."

"Yeah. So patient that he couldn't wait more than a week to get some Maalox Max..." Boba muttered.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing. Bill, go round up Momo. Tell her I'm...uh...taking her on a vacation. To Kashyyyk."

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Please review! All writing and no reviews makes vegemite a dull updater.


	6. VI Wookiee Hospitality

**A/N:** /This means that a Wookiee is speaking./

**VI. Wookiee Hospitality**

It took a very short amount of time for the Fettmobile to get to Kashyyyk. You know, turbo engines, faster-than-light speed, that kind of thing.

As soon as they landed on the planet, they were whisked off to what the Wookiees told Fett was 'The Great Hall.' There, they stood judgment before the Wise One, who had discussed their case with advisors at length before they arrived.

/We have…determined that you should be allowed to stay on Kashyyyk for whatever time you wish./

Boba nodded and lowered his very large blaster. He had fitted himself and the others with translators on the trip over. Because, yes, coming to Kashyyyk without them would have been the _smartest_ idea ever...

/However, you will have to abide by Wookiee customs and traditions. And if you break any of our laws, the four of you will immediately be sent off-planet./

"Understood."

/One of our customs is that all must have Wookiee names. After much deliberation, we have come up with names that we feel will suit you. We shall start with the lowliest and work our way up. We shall start with the Twi'lek./

Bill waved, his usual silly grin plastered across his face.

/You shall be called 'Changaalakawa,' which means 'lovesick drugged one.'/

"That's cool with me." Bill put his arm around Mill's shoulders, puffing up his chest as she kissed him on the cheek.

/You/ he said, pointing at Mill. /Your name is now 'Lakkarangwana,' which means 'strives for evil.'/

"Yay!" Mill gave a little jump for joy. "It fits me perfectly, Billby!"

/You, woman, are now called 'Wangkalaakii,' Wookiee for 'breathtaking slave driver.'/ Momo smiled appreciatively.

"And I, Wise One?"

/Ah, you, bounty hunter./ The Wookie grinned, a truly terrifying sight. /We spent the most time deciding upon this. Your name shall be 'Choocaloocamooca.' It means 'bloated searching chocolate.'/

Momo patted Boba's shoulder reassuringly as he stood motionless and speechless.


	7. VII Wookiees

**scrb3331 **- Heh heh heh, nice self-insertion there! Careful, though, Boba's been known to fry reviewers in the past (I think). Hee hee. Thanks for your review!  
**Freetrader** - Hey! Great to see you over here, thanks for your review! That's SO AWESOME (!) That you got a Boba Fett action figure! BWAHAHA! Heh. Sorry.

As always, thanks to Paris, millpzonesyou (Mill), and Cap'n Momo Janeway-Fett (Momo), for letting me use their personas and giving me inspiration. Paris claims that I am the four Wookiees in this chapter. Yeah, right. :P

**VII. -.- Wookiees **

"Curse those Wookiees!" Boba roared (yes, we're back to roaring). He and Momo were sitting in Boba and Bill's hut. The Twi'lek and his giggly girlfriend had gone to sightsee.

"Bobie, just because they think you're fat it shouldn't come as a surprise," Momo stated, bored and filing her nails. "Duh, you're bloated! Really, just don't eat any more beans."

"But the danged things are so cheap! I couldn't resist!"

"Well of course you couldn't," she spat out. "Cheapskate that you are."

"Just because you wish to be swimming in diamonds doesn't mean that I'm going to pay for it."

"Whatever. What was that thing about chooc-laat, anyway?"

"Oh, nothing! Nothing!" Fett had not told Momo about the Sarlacc's quest yet, and he had no intention of doing so, as she hadn't been too happy about the last time the Sarlacc had recruited him for his evil doings. As far as she knew, they were on Kashyyyk as a sort of...honeymoon. Before a wedding. Or even before a proposal. Which would make it a vacation. _Duh_.

"Where are Bill and Mill, anyway?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

"Something about a Wookiee ghetto nightclub. That operates during the day."

"Am I supposed to know what that is?"

"Oh, face it, you're middle-aged, and you're not getting any younger. Where is this relationship going? How long are you going to be a bounty hunter? Get over your insecurities! I don't even know what's behind that mask!"

"You want to know? Do you REALLY want to know? Fine! Look at my face. Ooh, it's my face!" He ripped off the helmet and danced stupidly around.

"Forget it, Boba. You're such a child." Her back was still facing him. He stared at it in disbelief.

"Do you know how incredibly contradictory that was?" Just then, four female Wookiees happened to walk by the window and catch a glimpse of Fett's face. They fainted immediately, stricken by the incredible handsomeness of the bounty hunter. He shoved his helmet back on, sighing in irritation.

"Curse those Wookiees..."


	8. VIII The Process

Yeah. I'm getting sad about these short chappies, since I always try to make chappies long (at least, in my other multi-chapter story), so here's another one. And it's still short! BAH!

Plus, you know, I have no life, so all I'm doing besides updating is surfing the Internet and reading iharthdarth comics over at livejournal. They're funny. :)

**VIII. The Process**

The day after they arrived to Kashyyyk, Fett went before the Wise One again, this time to plead his case for collecting the chooc-laat strawpberries. Unfortunately, his persuasion skills were incredibly good, and much to his dismay he was granted permission to gather the sweetened fruits.

"Well, it's a good thing that they're going to let you, isn't it?" Bill asked as they sat together, the Twi'lek trying to console (a fruitless effort). "Now you won't have to do anything illegal."

"I'm a bounty hunter. I revel in the illegal!"

"What, like downloading jizz-wailer singles?"

Fett sighed in irritation. "No, like killing people. But that's beside the point. If they had rejected our request, we could've gone home! Now we'll have to go through...The Process." Boba shuddered.

Bill cocked an eyebrow. "Uh, yeah..." A small beeper went off and Bill checked his wrist chrono, face lightening with glee. "Mill's home!" He dashed off to sit at the hut door like a dog waiting expectantly for it's master.

"Boba sighed, annoyed, and tried to content himself with the fact that Bill too would have to endure the month-long Process.

The door swung open and Bill launched himself at the Wookiee that entered.

"You're not Mill!"

/No, I'm not/ the Wookiee replied dryly, flicking him halfway across the room and turning to Boba. /It is time./

Fett stood up, slouched, and grabbed Bill, dragging him along as the Wookiee led them.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Bill struggled against Fett but the bounty hunter was too strong.

"You got me into this, and there's no was you're getting out now. Besides, with two of us, The Process should go twice as fast."

"What exactly is this process?" Bill asked, nervous for the first time as the Wookiee led them lower and lower down spiraling walkways, deeper into the Wroshyr trees' midst.

/You'll see when we get there. Or rather, you won't./ The Wookiee grinned, not baring his teeth.

"What do you mean, I won't--" the Wookiee shoved them into a dark area and slammed a door shut. Bill gulped. Something was pulling at his leg.

"Bobaaaaaaa!"

Fett braced himself.

-

Later that evening, the Wookiee brought their bruised and battered bodies back to the hut. On their windowsills, he placed the contents to two vials. Each contained a single drop of blood from the core of the donor's being.

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Please review! P.S. They did not get raped. NO. Sorry, it's just that millpzonesyou, one of my betas, thought that at first. Just...NO! 


	9. IX Lintalicious

**IX.Lint-a-licious **

"Ugh..."

Bill awoke, his entire body throbbing and a splitting headache tearing through his skull. He and Bill were in a pile on the floor just inside the entrance of their hut. Bill appeared to be sound asleep, but looked like he'd been beaten to a bloody pulp. Seeing he himself was in a similar condition he quickly remembered why. Yesterday had been the first day of The Process.

Fett rushed to his windowsill. Nothing. Bill's sill was equally devoid of growth.

"Ow!" Boba heard the shrill yelp cut suddenly through the jungle background chatter. Bill was awake.

"Try not to more too much!" Fett called as he went to his room to change into his "comfy" armor, the one with the padded joints.

"Bobaaa! There's someone here for you!"

"Wretched Twi'lek..." the bounty hunter muttered as he made his was (painfully) to the entrance of the hut. Standing in the doorway was an oddly tall, oddly blond Rodian.

"Albino giant?" Bill suggested, whispering. Boba shook his head pitifully and shoved him out of the way.

"Yes?"

"I have a proposition," the Rodian began. "Have you ever found yourself without lint? Most would think 'Wonderful! No more linty clothes!' But I come to warn you against the follies of lint extermination. Lint is a valuable asset to society and nature, and without it, apocalyptic catastrophes could occur! And so my proposition is this: artificial lint. I sell by the crate, only ten credits a half-kilo! It even comes in sea green, to match your lovely armor! Made by only the most skilled artisans who have studied the practice of collecting eraser residue as lint for decades! Come on! Save the lint!"

Boba stared at the Rodian. The Rodian grinned at Boba. Soon he was grinning at a door, slammed in his face.

"Hey! I was going to buy some!" Bill swung the door open. "Do you make it in pink?"

"Why, of course!" The Rodian gave a toothy smile.

"Great! I'll take three! For Mill," he told Boba.

"Wait, do you mean _Malicia_?"

"You know her?"

"Know her? I dated her for six months! Little heartbreaker, that one. Right, well, that'll be thirty credits, and you lint'll be here tomorrow."

"Cool!" Bill paid as Boba stood watching and shaking his head in disbelief.

* * *

**scrb3331** - Don't worry, The Process is explained in the next chapter.

**Moreta Lynx** - Well, glad to know you're still here!

I was an artificial lint saleswoman, once upon a time (sixth grade). Bobert Smith never paid me that 35 cents...I said he could pay in Ramen, but he refused.

So yes. Thanks to Bobert for the idea, I SUPPOSE (is still bitter about her 35 cents), and Paris for letting me make him into an albino Rodian (not that he had a choice. NO ONE HAS A CHOICE when I write them in to Bobo! BWAHAHA! Um. Yes. Sorry.)


	10. X Ghizetto Twi'lizzles

**X. Ghizetto Twi'lizzles**

"It's been more than a week! Where is my lint?" Bill was quite distraught, as he'd told Mill that she'd be getting a magnificent gift, and she was still waiting expectantly.

"Ask Chaagaal." Every afternoon, Chaagaal led Boba and Bill down to the dark corner, and every night he carried their limp forms back up. On the windowsills where he dropped the blood, small spots were beginning to appear.

Bill did ask the Wookiee that day.

/Oh, Misto, the Rodian? He died. Lint fire. Tried to jump start a hovercar. One spark, sixty kilos of lint, poof./

"Oh, Man! What am I going to do now?" Bill pondered this all the next morning as he and Mill partied at the Wookiee Ghetto nightclub that was open during the day. Then it hit him...

-

"Yo yo yo, Bobizzle! Whazzup ma homie g?"

Boba stared at the transformed Bill. The Twi'lek was wearing baggy clothes, a cap, and what the bounty hunter could only assume was 'bling.' Mill was, what else, clinging to his arm.

"What is a 'Bobizzle?'"

"'Syou, ma man."

"Idiot..." Boba muttered.

"I p'zone you, yo!"

"Billizzle, you're so foshizzle da bomb at ghizetto." Mill smiled up at him.

"Foshizzle?"

"Foshizzle." Mill gazed at him with adoration. Bill put his arm around her.

"I'm gon' foshizzle you like you ain't never been foshizzled befo'!"

"WHAT?" Boba roared. "What in the galaxy is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Foshizzle means fo' shu. You not down wit tha' ghizetto, Bobizzle. Old man."

"I am NOT old!"

Mill cut in. "Well, Billizzle, fo' shu's not the only thing foshizzle can mean." She smiled up at the Twi'lek in a way that made Boba feel very nervous.

"All right, stop this now. Leave. Not--not both of you, just Mill. Chaagaal will be here shortly. There will be NO foshizzling while I'm in charge!"

"Aww, tough. See you, Millizzle, ma girl." He gave Mill a quick kiss as she left.

"Geez, Boba, what was that for?"

"Oh, no 'ghizetto Twi'lizzle' anymore?" Boba asked, amused.

"Oh, you know that's just an act for Mill. Why the heck do I have to do this stupid 'Process' anyway? What _is_ it? All I know is that they known me out then I wake up in the doorway and my entire body feels awful. It's even worse thantrying to dance in a room packed full of Wookiees."

"Do you really want to know?" Bill nodded. "OK." Boba sat down and interlocked his fingers, holding his pointers up to the chine of his helmet.

"The creature that lives in that dark area is called a 'Craalganii,' which in Shyriiwook means 'core extractor.' The Craalganii has toxic tentacles that it wraps around us, which is why we get knocked out. It shakes around, a lot, and pretty much beats us up until we're limp enough that it can take its stinger and extract a drop of blood from our cores. The Wookiees take this blood and put it somewhere with a lot of sunlight and that we're likely to touch every day, like a windowsill. Strawpberries covered in chooc-laat sprout. No one really knows why; the entire thing is shrouded in mystery."

"Wow." Bill nodded. "That's some serious BS they're feeding you."

"BS?"

"You know, Bantha sh--"

"Yes, thank you Bill," Boba said dryly. "Now shut up."

* * *

So yes. There you have it, The Process. Thanks, Paris, for letting me kill you off. :P Just one of many, don't worry...this is the sequel of short-lived cameos. Literally. Anyway, (SPOILERS FOR NAPOLEON DYNAMITE) I know this is somewhat like what happens to Kip, but I had the concept for this long before I saw that movie (actually, millpzonesyou wrote a scene like this (a fanfic of a fanfic!) but I changed it around, because she wrote Boba with facial expressions (he's wearing a helmet!)). Anyway. That was a lot of parentheses. :D Oh, and I don't own the Pizza Hut p'zone things (even though that's now what I mean by the word 'p'zone'.) 

**scrb3331** - YES! A fangirl! Heh heh (laughs insanely). You may have to share him with my friend Momo. Yes, that is THE Momo! She's grown quite attached to Mr. Fett. (He should be a knight. Sir Fett. Heh. :D)


	11. XI History

**XI. History **

Mill and Bill were in dating bliss when trouble hit. And trouble came in the form of David With a D.

It happened when Boba and Momo and Bill and Mill were having a picnic for some strange reason, and in the middle of the docking bay, right nest to the Fettmobile. Mill and Bill were very lovey-dovey, feeding each other and giggling. Ick. Momo was still pretty annoyed at Boba about the dress, so things weren't going too well with the elder couple. The David With a D appeared.

"Mill! Mill!" Mill saw the Bith running across the hangar, waving his hands frantically, a long cape flowing behind him.

"Oh, Gods..."

"Mill!" The alien stopped, panting. "Oh, Mill, I've found you! I can't tell you how much I've missed you! I'm sorry, whatever I did, I'm sorry. Please, just give me another chance!"

"No. I'm sick of you."

"Who is this?" Bill looked very confused.

" David With a D. My ex."

"Why do they call him David With a D?" Boba asked. Mill looked at him like he was questioning the obvious.

"Because he's David. With a D. Anyway, I dumped him because I was bored. Go away, David."

"But, I can't survive without you! I am bound to you!"

"Boba, do something!" Momo prompted. Boba sighed.

"Fine. Hey, creep, leave her alone."

"Oh yeah, you gonna make me? Fett-wannabe."

"You just made a big mistake." Fett rose, his voice icy. "I AM Boba Fett."

"Oh, uh, really?" David With a D was starting to look worried. "You're...fatter than I expected. And anyway, I could still take you!" He puffed out his chest.

"You think so? Because, you know, you've been bugging my slave, and my girlfriend's sister. And you just called me fat. That makes me pretty angry."

David With a D's eyes started shifting around nervously. All of a sudden, he tried a quick-draw. Of course, Boba Fett was faster. David With a D exploded all over the ship next to the Fettmobile. Boba rolled his eyes. "Let's get out of here."

Fett began to stalk away, annoyed at his waste of blaster energy, with the others jogging to catch up to his long stride. He didn't see it, but something very important was happening. Bill was trying to comfort Mill, but she wasn't responding. She was in some sort of...daze.

A _Fett_-induced daze.

"Hey, um, Boba, that was really heroic, what you did back there," Mill said, smiling and running faster to catch up.

"Yes, I suppose it was." Boba straightened up even more and puffed out his chest slightly.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to do something. Some time. Together."

Boba stopped dead in his tracks. "WHAT?"

"You know. Together." Mill put her hand on Boba's arm.

"NO! You--you're with Bill! You're my sister's girlfriend--I mean, my girlfriend's sister! I mean--oh, Gods!" Boba say on a nearby chair (that happened to be sitting outside on a Wookiee walkway, and was human-sized. Go figure) and placed his helmeted head in his hands.

"Well, Boba, it was inevitable. You're so daring and strong and manly and...well, Bill's not. I love you, Boba Fett, savior of my life, both romantic and physical."

"WHAT?" This time the scream came from Bill, who had stumbled, mouth agape, upon Mill's confession.

" Bill, I--" Boba started, but Bill cut him off with a wave of his hand. His eyes were narrow and glowering.

"I challenge you to a duel for the fair Mill's hand."

Boba groaned. "Idiot..."

* * *

Sorry it took so long, but I got BANNED for a week! Ooh, naughty author. :P Actually, silly fanfiction for deleting my songfics! (Fumes) Anyway...I know David With a D (we call him that because he always calls his friend Geoff "Geoff With a G"), which is why I was allowed to kill him off. Actually, I threatened to write him in then kill him off if he didn't stop bugging me and Miss Mill, and he didn't, so...I did. At least this time the random cameo was a catalyst. Unlike any other time...heh heh...

**Reviews:  
**scrb3331 - You had a dream where you were Boba? AWESOME! And, dude, I do NOT mind long reviews, at all! And the 'eths' were beautiful. :)  
millpzonesyou - Hey, you logged in! I thought you forgot your password. YAY! Now you must post your Dani/Den fic! (prods Miss Mill with a stick). Wait, what? You're foshizzling Tim? HUH? (is confused) o.0  
Jade Rhade - Actually, he belongs to Momo. :P


	12. XII The Heart Bleeds the Hardest

**XII. The Heart Bleeds the Hardest **

Bill grabbed a large tree branch that just happened to be laying on the walkway next to him, much as conveniently placed as that chair from the last chapter was. Holding the branch at ready, he glared at Boba.

"Come and get some."

Fett burst out laughing at the _stupidity_ and general lameness of the taunt and shot Bill with a dart.

"By tomorrow, he'll have forgotten everything. You, however..." Boba stood back and crossed his arms, looking Mill up and down. "You, my dear, could be useful. If you're not in love with bill, he will be inconsolably heartbroken." Fett nodded. "I'm liking this."

"BOBA!" Momo had just happened upon the scene. "As much as I would love to see that wretched slave suffer, you are _not_ to toy with them! Love is a complicated enough business as it is, without you and your..._drugging_ making it worse!"

"But, Momo, my darts might not work on feelings as strong as--"

"Stop making excuses! You will shoot my sister _now_!"

'Boba sighed, defeated. "If that's what you really want..." He turned to face Mill. "'Night."

"Boba--" She dropped to the floor, unconscious.

"Now drag them back to their huts. March!"

"Dictator..." he muttered.

-

"Hey, Your Lordship. 'Sup?" Bill greeted Boba is his usual silly matter. It seemed that the Twi'lek had no clue what had happened yesterday. That wouldn't last long. All that had to happen was him entering living room...

"Wow. What happened _here_?" The room was covered in green vines spattered irregularly with small pink flowers.

"Bill, it's not what it--"

"Hey, I found a little card! Why is there a drawing of you and Mill?"

"Bill, don't open it! Don't--"

"_Dear Boba, I love you! I hope you know that! I'm going to prove it to you! Love, Mill. P.S. The Wookiees said the flowers mean 'undying love.' P.P.S. I don't mind that you drugged me. It's cute."_

"Bill...Bill?" The Twi'lek was standing frozen, shocked, the note fluttering out of his grasp to land softly on the floor.

"Bill, it--it happened yesterday. I tried drugging you both, but her emotions...they interfered with the sedative. Bill, I'm sorry. Bill? Are you conscious?"

Bill blinked several times. His mouth scrunched into a short line. His eyes narrowed.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Boba drew his blaster. "Go ahead! Shoot me!" The Twi'lek launched himself at Fett, battering him with punches until he realized the armor was protecting him. Fett grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him to the ground.

"Oh, Mill! Why? Woman, thou art cruel!" Bill cried out as he held his bruised hands and curled up on the floor.

"Oh, go get yourself a drink!" Boba said, disgusted. As he watched Bill limp towards the kitchen, he had a stroke of genius...

* * *

Well, at least I updated quicker this time. Please review!

Boba: Or else!

Me: What have I told you about threatening reviewers?

Boba: ...

Me: That's better.


	13. XIII Fashionista

**XIII. Fashionista **

"HIT ME!" Boba jumped into a sparring stance and hummed cheesy fight music.

"What? Why? I mean, not that I haven't dreamed, _fantasized_, about crushing my fist into your face, hearing the crunch of bone, feeling the swell of your blood rushing to the wound...OK, I've gotta hit you again!" Bill sped at Fett, glaring, but Boba managed to hold him off.

"The point is not to actually _hurt_ me--"

"Awwww!"

"But instead to beat me in a 'fight,' thus proving your superiority to me, and drawing your girlfriend back." He eyed the Twi'lek. "This is going to be hard." Boba circled Bill, his finger on the 'chin' of his helmet. "It's a pity you didn't kill David With a D. Of Course Mill couldn't resist me with a gun. I'm _dead sexy_!"

Bill shuddered. "Never. Say that. Again."

"Well it's true, I am." He stopped suddenly and snapped his fingers, illumination shining on him. "Of course! You need a gun! Let's see, I'm thinking...matte midnight black--never glossy, it'll destroy that wonderful complexion--with a maroon, no, light tan...no, maroon holster, definitely low-slung, clinging. It'll make your hipline simply scream with divine inspiration!" Boba clasped his hands below his chin. "Your Mill is going to _adore_ you!"

"Oookay, there's something wrong with you..." Bill started to back away as Boba grabbed some scissors and leather and started to advance on him. "No! NOOOOO!" Bill screamed as Boba began to fashion him a holster. Attaching it to the Twi'lek, he stepped back to admire his work.

"Gorgeous! Darling! Beautiful! Ah, I work wonders with holsters! I simply love it!"

Bill stood in the middle of the room, slouching, brow furrowed in anger. He was wearing a maroon gun holster. His lekku were twitching wildly. "The..._stylishness_, it burns!" He sent a death glare towards Boba. "I hate you."

"I know. Now, all you need is a gun. Let me see..." He disappeared into his room, emerging minutes later, clutching a small black blaster above his head victoriously. "Ah ha! This is your weapon. It is set to stun. On stun it shall remain, or I will kill you. Understood?"

"Well, what's the point of having a gun if you can't kill people with it?" Boba sighed.

"It's called playacting. Momo does it all the time. You 'shoot' me, and Mill falls in love with you again. Very simple. Now we just have to get her in here, which should be no trouble as she's been dropping by regularly every hour." There was a rapping from the door. "What did I tell you? Right on time." Boba crossed the room and opened the door. Mill jumped on him, he heard a war cry from behind, and all went black.

**

* * *

**

Scrb3331 - Thanks for reviewing, though! And sorry for the cliffies - too lazy to write them out, since I wrote all this stuff, like, four months ago. Bah, I'm so lazy...actually it's just the fact that right now, I ♥ Obidala more than Boba. I know, I know, blasphemy. You really like interacting with him, don't you?

Boba: She tricks me! (puppy whining sounds)

Momo: Oh, buck up! You're starting to sound like Bill!

Boba:-.- (insert assorted swearing here)


	14. XIV You Know, You're Pretty Ugly

**XIV. You Know, You're Pretty Ugly... **

"Boba? Boba? Oh, Bobie, please wake up!" Momo's face filled Fett's vision as he slipped back into consciousness.

"Momo? What happened?" He sat up quickly but had to sink down again, holding a hand to his helmet.

"All I know is that Mill and Bill are making out over in my hut. They ran into her room giggling and when I asked where you were, they just laughed even more. I was so worried! I came right over here and found you on the floor..."

"That accursed Twi'lek! He shot me!"

"What?"

"The idiot shot me! Just likeI told him to...oh well, I suppose it's for the best now that your sister doesn't love me anymore, and you're talking to me again. I really am sorry, but I just couldn't afford the diamond dress. I've missed you, Momo."

"Oh, Bobie," she sighed, resting her head on his chest. "I wish I could kiss you right now."

"You can. I mean, I'm wearing my face mask, in case my helmet comes off during The Process, so if you really wanted, you could take my helmet off and we could kiss..."

So they did.

"I don't see the big issue, though." Momo said after they'd broken apart. "I mean, I'm not going to tell anyone anything. Haven't we been dating for long enough? I want to go to the next level, Boba. I want to see your face."

"Momo," he sighed. "It's a matter of principle. _No_ one sees Boba Fett's face. It just isn't done. But, since I love you and trust you..." Boba slowly pulled his mask off, revealing his handsome face.

"You're not fainting."

"Um, should I be?" Momo asked, confusion evident on her face.

"Well, uh, women tend to faint when they see my, er, hotness."

"Boba, do you want the truth?" He nodded. "Well...I think you're kind of ugly. I mean, with the pretty-boy eyes,and the long hair really isn't working for you..." She bit her lip nervously as he stared at her. Then he started to laugh.

"That's why I love you, Momo," he chuckled, drawing her in close with a hug. "That's why I love you."

* * *

Yes, pathetically sappy, but Boba needed some love, and Momo had been mad at him for too long. Now everything's back to normal (as normal as it can get, with the druggy bread and the bounty hunters and the millions of cameos...).

**Jade Rhade - **Your enthusiasm is well appreciated and results in chapters being posted quickly. :)

**scrb3331 - **The problem is, he really IS dead sexy... See: 'The Story of Bobo Fat' - Chapter 10. And Obidala is an Obi-Wan/Padmé pairing. I'm in love with Obidala stories. :)


	15. XV Birds Are Symbols of Evil EVIL!

**XV. Birds Are Symbols of Evil. EVIL! **

"Ugh..." Boba woke up, again, with a tearing headache. This whole Process was getting just a little bit old.

He pulled himself up shakily and walked over to the medicine cabinet, fumbling with the bottles. "Stupid cub-proof seals..."

Fett stumbled into his bedroom, collapsing just inside his door. Propping himself up, he was able to catch a glimpse of the windowsill. It seemed the chooc-laat strawpberries were coming up nicely. Except for one spot...here...

Slightly panicked, he rushed as best he could over to the sill and very carefully examined the area of the problem. It looked like the strawpberries were being...eaten.

_But why? Strawpberries taste awful in their pure and natural form. They have to be prepared..._

He looked to the right suddenly, movement catching his eye. Staring straight at him were the smoldering ruby red eyes of...the Klyyynaii bird.

_Oh, wonderful..._

Klyyynaii were very rare, and quite beautiful. It appeared that one had made its home outside Fett's window. These birds were highly protected and adored by the Wookiees, though Gods knew why. The stupid things were useless, but the Wookiees guarded them fiercely. It was quite illegal to kill one.

But, not only had this bird chosen Fett's hut as a prime spot for it's nest, but it by sheer chance it seemed to be one of teh few creatures in the galaxy with a penchant for chooc-laat strawpberries au naturale.

_This trip is just getting better and better..._

"Shoo." The bird continued to stare into Fett's visor.

_Stupid Klyyynaii bird, with the stupid laws, and the stupid glare..._he thought to himself, trying to rack his brain for something to do about his strawpberries. He couldn't move them, because that would kill everything he'd been battered for these past weeks. He couldn't get rid of the Klyyynaii for fear that the Wise One would find out and the job would remain incomplete. And then Sarlacc would eat him and that would just be a drag...

So the only things left to do were to dissuade the Klyyynaii from eating the fruit (success doubtful) or to somehow protect the fruit...

_Protect my preciousssessss..._

* * *

Yeah. It took a while, but that was just because I was mad at fanfiction because I typed it up once and it didn't go through...bah.

'**scrb is lazy**' - Yes, the fluff does burn, but I'm rather fond of it anyway. :) Momo + Bobo 4-EVAH! And yeah, he's dumb for taking off his helmet, but he's in love! What's he _supposed_ to do:)

**Jade Rhade **- Actually, you'll soon find out why the devil-spawn haven't been bugging Mr. Bloaty-Poo-Poo (Yeah, that was weird. Oh well.) in the form of a handy-dandy Public Service Announcement.


	16. XVI and XVII

**XVI. A Cunning Plan **

"Bill! Oh Bill!" Fett called, rubbing his hands in glee.

"'Sup, my slave master?" Bill strode into the kitchen, looking for his evil overlord. "Boba--" He didn't even see Fett holding the club that knocked him to the ground.

Chuckling, bounty hunter dragged the limp body over to his windowsill, his plan beginning to unfold...

-

"Feh-ett!" came a warbled cry.

_Ah, he has awoken. Now he can begin..._

"Fett!" The slave screamed as his master entered the room. "What have you done to me?"

"Bill," Fett said, looking at the Twi'lek, "you're a scarecrow."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I need a scarecrow because the Klyyynaii bird has been eating my strawpberries. It's got such burning red eyes...burning..." Boba gazed off.

"Fett, are you taking something I should know about?"

"No! It's true! That evil bird is depleting our supplies, and unless you want to spend another month on Kashyyyk going through The Process, you are my scarecrow."

"Fett, that's not fair!" The whining was enough to drive one crazy.

"When have I _ever_ been fair?"

"Umm..."

"Exactly."

"Well, you could turn over a new leaf. Start fresh. Set precedent for yourself, right now."

"Bill, I think precedent dictates that I sit back with a bowl of popped co'orn and watch you suffer. Actually, I can't be bothered. I'll just go find Momo and go to a holovid. Toodleoo!"

"No, wait! NOOOO!"

* * *

Yeah, pathetically short, and I'll be posting another chapter very quickly.

**scrb3331** - That he is...that he is.

* * *

OK, never mind, that was only, like, 200 words, so I really need to post the next chapter WITH this.

* * *

**XVII. A Solution Presents Itself **

"BILL!" Fett roared, but the Twi'lek was nowhere to be found. All that was left by the window were a few charred bits of rope.

_Blaster. It could only be one person..._

"MOMO!" Fett screamed into his commlink.

"Oh, what is it?" It sounded like he'd woken her up.

"Learn to control your sister!"

"What has she done now?" Momo sighed. Oh, yes, it's _so_ hard, not looking after you "evil" little sister who preys on the heart of men (or Twi'leks).

"She let loose my SCARECROW! I was having Bill scare away the Klyyynaii bird...with the eyes...red, burning, searing--"

"Well, get a new one. I can't be held responsible for your shoddy tying skills."

"Momo, it ISN'T FAIR! I'm only trying to do my job and that stupid, idiotic, moronic--"

"Are you clenching your fists again?" Boba looked down.

"Yes..."

"I'm not talking to you like this. I'm going back to sleep." And with that, the commlink clicked off.

"What am I going to do now?" he muttered under his breath, hovering over his precious window fruits and making sure not to clench his fists. He heard a shrill cry by his ear. The bird...

Fett moved slowly. This was his best chance at getting rid of the thing...

"HA!" He shot, and the bird's head was completely blown off. Fett rubbed his hands together in glee. _We're having dinner tonight!_

Oh no. What was it the Wise One had said about breaking laws? Oh yeah, they'd be KICKED OFF KASHYYYK!

He couldn't let that happen...the torture of The Process would be for nothing...he head to make a plan...

Boba heard a rapping on the door. _Thank you, Gods of fate!_

He swung the door open. There was a tiny Jawa, in sandals. It lifted one hand, flexing the fingers.

"HI!" it screeched.

Boba was shocked. "Aren't Jawas indigenous to Tatooine? And, uh, aren't they unable to speak Basic?"

"I'm speeecial."

"Oh. OK. Look, what's your name?"

"I am Skogurt!"

"Right...um, can you hold this for me?" He rubbed his gun quickly with a cloth and shoved it at the Jawa. "I'll be back in a second." He ran off and returned with the cloth bundled up, a charred smell emanating from it.

"Where are Mill and Bill?" the Jawa asked.

"What?"

"From the Wookiee ghetto nightclub."

"The one open during the day?" Skogurt gave a curt nod. "Oh, they're, uh...well, if you take this package to the Wise One and tell him to open it, he'll tell you. But only if you say it's a gift from you."

"OK!" The Jawa grinned and trotted off. Boba chuckled evilly and sat down in front of the holonet. Five minutes later there was a great roar, and shortly after that a burning smell wafted in on the wind.

_Mmn...Jawa..._


	17. XVIII and XIX

**XVIII. Public Service Announcement **

Well, the reader(s) is/are probably wondering why the flying devil-spawn did not interfere during the Klyyynaii bird incident. The fruit _are_ the final objective, so why not protect them?

There are several answers to this question, beginning with:

1. The devil-spawn are starved by the Sarlacc

This is to keep them especially blood-thirsty and evil, but also causes them to hope for the day that they may capture our dear Fett for the Sarlacc and maybe get a leg, or a even a few fingers, to eat.

2.This is 'The Further Adventure of Bobo Fat."

Therefore, it is not a vehicle to chronicle the assorted adventures of the devil-spawn. Perhaps later.

3. They were playing cards with the Sarlacc.

"Go fish."

"You're cheating!"

"No, uh, we're not.! We swear!"

"YES YOU ARE!"

"...Master...please...we can't breathe..."

4. The author is rather stupid.

Which is why she didn't think to include them, and writes so many of her friends in. It is also the reason we have this chapter. That and writer's block.

Thus ends our "mandatory" public service announcement.

-

"Did you see that, Boba?"

"What?"

"They were talking about the devil-spawn, in a holonews public service announcement!" "...um, Boba?"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO STAY OUT OF MY BREAD?"

"...Master...please...I can't breathe..."

* * *

And because I feel so bad and that was so short...

* * *

**XIX. Surface**

"Isn't it about time those strawpberries started developing their chooc-laat?" Bill whined, annoyed that he being taken away from his 'one true love' yet again so that he could go through The Process. They were currently on the lift down to level of Kashyyyk that contained the Craalganii's lair. Chaagaal crossed his arms and leaned against the side of the lift, quite bored with his company.

"The Klyyynaii set us back a bit," Fett explained. "Although, it wouldn't have been a problem if _someone_ had done their job."

"I couldn't look at the eyes anymore...the ruby red eyes..."

Fett sighed. Once again, he begged for a reason he had to be stuck with this idiot. Why couldn't McDonald's employ curvaceous, busty, gorgeous Twi'lek females instead of their bony, irritating, and useless counterparts?

"Are we almost there, Chaagaal?" Boba turned to face him. "Chaagaal?" There was no Wookiee, only a flimsy with some strange characters. "Huh?"

"Shyriiwook."

"You can read Shyriiwook?"

"What did you think Mill and I were doing at that nightclub all those days?" he asked innocently.

"Uh..."

"It says, "Saw large beast. Must kill. Get warrior status and hot Wookiee babes. P.S. Turn lever towards...' I can't make out the rest. Ugh, his handwriting is horrible!"

"How can a Wookiee be a babe?" Fett cried.

"We've got bigger problems...the ground!" The lift was still plummeting, and the surface was getting closer...closer...

-

"Neh..." Boba woke with a headache and what felt like bruied limbs. Had The Process really been that bad yesterday? He looked around. No, not The Process. He wasn't in his hut. But where...?

It all came back, groaning, he crawled out of the crashed lift and onto...the surface of Kashyyyk. The Wookiees regarded this place with awe and respect--it was incredibly dangerous. Only trained warriors ventured into the depths of Kashyyyk, and many did not come out alive.

"Although George managed to destroy the mystery with that lame battle that was over-hyped in RotS..." he muttered.

Sorry, the author couldn't help herself.

"Bill, wake up!" Boba groaned, kicking the yellowish lump and causing it to yelp.

"Huh? Woah...woah! We survived!" The Twi'lek jumped up and began huzzah-ing rather loudly. Boba clamped his hand over Bill's mouth.

"Shut--up!" he hissed. He looked out into the jungle. Something was stirring. He pulled his hand from Bill's mouth, wiping off the slobber and cursing silently, then reached slowly for his gun.

"Boba!" Bill whisper-whined. "What is it?"

"SHH!" Boba scanned the area in front of him. "I don't know," he barely breathed.

* * *

Well, sorry that took so long! Didn't mean for it to, but I've finally FINISHED this story on paper! Only three more chapters, dearies, three more chapters. And since I can't reply to reviews any more (they should really give us a say in this kind of thing – a poll, maybe?), you may be getting e-mails in response to your musings. How irritating. -.- 


	18. XX A Hunting We Shall Go

**XX. A-Hunting We Shall Go (And Bill's Epiphany) **

A great squawking rose from the depths of the jungle and Bill began a-quaking in his boots. Boba grabbed the Twi'lek's arm and dragged him toward the sound.

"What are you doing?" Bill squealed, trying to wrench his arm away. Boba spun him around and glared as hard as he could, taking on a menacing pose.

"Hunting." He threw the alien to the ground and disappeared into the trees, lightly treading and ever ready with his gun. Bill sat in shock for a few seconds, then quickly jumped to his feet.

"Don't leave me, Boba!" He scurried after his master.

-

_Shuffle._

_Shuffle._

_Rustle._

_Crunch._

"HEY!"

"_Be silent_!" Boba hissed, turning swiftly back toward his prey, missing the face that Bill made at him. The Twi'lek touched his newly bruised head, just slapped by an armor-clad hand. _He really takes the title of Bounty _Hunter _seriously_, he thought to himself, watching Fett glanced around, listening, intent as any predatory beast. Bill rather thought that Fett was acting a bit of an idiot, but then, Bill _was_ a (large) bit of an idiot, and therefore his insights should not be trusted.

Bill bit his lip in an attempt to stop himself from asking what his master would call a stupid question and would surely result in another bruise. But...he was a little freaked out. Bill was certain they would die down here, in the depths of the jungle, and his thoughts drifted to Mill. His darling Mill, who brought a smile to his face, with her silly attempts at evil and her mastery of making him beg for her attentions. Although she taunted him he knew she loved him and often enjoyed her girlish teasing. The days he and Fett spent down here before their certain doom would be awful and hellish without his love by his side. A single tear rolled down Bill's cheek, and in that moment he knew what it truly meant to live.

Then he tripped over a large root and fell to the ground squealing, only to be kicked in the rear by an utterly irritated Fett. His epiphany was gone and he once again knew only what it truly meant to be an enormous git.

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Here you go. Enjoy. Yeah. I have nothing to say anymore now that we can't respond to reviews. (sniffles and cries) 


	19. XXI The Giant Bird of DOOM!

**XXI. The Giant Bird of DOOM!**

Boba could sense it--he was very close. Very close indeed...

He stepped over Bill's squirming form and parted the branches in front of him carefully. A large clearing was straight ahead. Ambush? Didn't matter; Boba Fett could handle anything that Kashyyyk threw at him. _Even that damn Klyyynaii bird..._

Boba moved lightly into the clearing, Bill stumbling in after him. His prey was close. He could almost smell it...

"Ugh! What's that awful smell?"

"The perfect victim of my hunt," Boba breathed in reverie.

"Smells like bird poop."

**>SILENCE!>**

"Woah! What was that?" Bill cowered towards his master. "It was like it was...in my head!"

**>I said silence! But does anyone listen? No, of course not! It's just blah blah blah, I'm stupid, blah blah, eat me.>**

"Show yourself!" Boba yelled, glancing around the clearing.

**>Oh, fine. If you insist.>** There was a rustling of trees and from the forest came a giant...

"KLYYYNAII?"

**>Oh, you know one of my brothers? A cousin perhaps? Aunt?>**

"But...but you're enormous!" The bird stuck its beak in the air, about five meters above the ground.

>**Big-boned, thankyouverymuch.**>

"And your eyes! They don't burn!"

>**Yes, I was lucky enough not to inherit that devastating disease. All my relatives are half blind, you know.**>

"Yes, um, of course." Boba was contemplating, in awe, the precarious situation he now found himself in, and did not notice that Bill-of-the-short-attention-span had wandered a little toward the great bird. He was studying, very intently, the area beneath the Klyyynaii's claws.

"Boba!" he shrieked, ecstatic. "Look at what he's standing on!" The bounty hunter lifted his head, very slowly, and saw the most beautiful things his eyes had ever beheld--a patch of chooclaat-covered strawpberries.

"Bill." he said, voice wavering in oppressed excitement. "I want to have your babies."

"GROSS!" But Fett did not hear the Twi'lek's protests, for he was throwing himself at the feet of the Klyyynaii and kissing the precious fruits.

>**Just what do you think you are doing with MY strawpberries?**> the Klyyynaii squawked, grabbing the bounty hunter with his claws.

"I apologize, your graciousnessness. But you see, if I don't have a kilogram of chooclaat-covered strawpberries by the end of the month, I'll be killed! And The Process isn't going so well."

>**What do I care of your misfortunes?**>

"Um...would you care if it's for money?"

>**No.**>

"Maintaining my legend?" The bird said nothing. "Well, what about love?"

The bird regarded him seriously. >**Now, are you _sure_ you want to do that? I hear Twi'leks don't make very good parents.**>

"What? NO! Gods, no! I was kidding."

"Hey!" Bill protested, hearing that they would were talking about him. The bird and Boba told him to shut up in unison.

"Klyyynaii, my love is a beautiful woman, with eyes like grenade explosions and a voice like a homing missile...that's good, of course."

>**Er, yes, of course. You seem to be very much in love, so I will help you in your quest. I shall even provide transportation--**>

"My ship--"

>**I WILL PROVIDE TRANSPORTATION!**> it squawked. >**As long as you promise to always care for and love my little relatives. So many people hate them, and I just don't know why...**>

"Heh, of course!" Boba lied through his clenched teeth.

"But didn't you say that you blasted--"

"BILLDOYOUWANTTOLIVETOSEEMILLAGAIN!"

"OHGODSIDIDN'TSAYANYTHING!"

"Good. So, you'll help us?"

>**Yes. Just say where we need to go.**>

"Well, we might need to make a few detours..."

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Only one chapter left! Sorry about the Klyyynaii speech, but for some reason fanfiction dot net allows "greater than" signs but not "less than" signs. An optimistic outlook, perhaps? 


	20. XXII The Happy Ending They Don't Deserve

**XXII. The Happy Ending They Don't Deserve**

"WHERE ARE WE?" Momo screeched (beautifully, of course) at Boba, from her mount atop the giant Klyyynaii bird.

"Tatooine," he replied, sliding down the wing of the beast to the ground. "Come, my dear. I believe you'll enjoy it here."

Momo tossed her head back. "Ha. I doubt it. I hate sand. And heat. And anything else on this planet."

"Does that mean you hate me?"

"Of course not, Bobie Wobie!" She slid down the bird's wing after him.

/I know I'll hate it/ Chaagaal grumbled. /Not enough trees. Why have you brought me here/ he moaned, sliding down the wing to make way for Mill and Bill, who were now literally attached at the hip, having found some very strong rope and tying it about their waists.

"All will be explained shortly. Now come, we must walk just a few meters, to that giant hole over there."

"Fine," everyone grumbled. When they got there, the Sarlacc was rumbling with hunger.

"My STRAWPBERRIES!" it boomed. Boba took the pic-a-nic basket he was carrying, pulled out a package, and threw the rest to the disgusting beast.

"Ah, many thanks, Boba Fett. You never fail to please. How delicious..."

"Just transfer the credits to the largest jeweler on Nar Shaddaa. And hold on, Momo. You're about to find out why you're here." Boba knelt in front of his love and whipped off his helmet.

"Oh, Boba, put it away," Momo said, annoyed.

"No. I want to do this looking at you with my eyes, not through a visor."

/Gods, he's gorgeous/ Chaagaal murmured.

"I know," Bill whispered back.

"Eew, I can't believe I thought I loved _that_!" Apparently, immunity to the Bobio effect runs in the family.

"Momo," Fett continued, opening the box he held in front of him. "Will you marry me?"

"Oh!" Momo's eyes lit up and sparkled like the diamonds of the dress she was being presented with. "Of course! I get the dress, right?" she asked quickly, pulling it out of its box and holding it against her.

"That's why we're been on Kashyyyk for the last few week--so I could pay for it." He rose and turned to Chaagaal. "And you're here to marry us. That comes with warrior status, right?" The wookiee muttered a few curses and nodded.

"Wait, why are we here?" Bill stuck in. Boba yanked him closer and whispered in his ear. A few seconds later the Twi'lek drew back, eyeing his master warily. Boba elbowed him in the stomach, and he reluctantly turned to his girlfriend.

"Hey Mill, wanna get hitched?"

The girl shrugged. "'Kay."

Boba rolled his eyes.

-

Twenty minutes later everyone was assembled--the brides (Momo had changed into her new dress and was now too bright to look at), the grooms, the officiator, and the witnesses, the Klyyynaii, the Sarlacc, and the devil-spawn (invited last minute, much to Boba's chagrin, as they kept arranging into obscene gestures).

/Do you, Changaalakawa and Lakkarangwa, promise to love each other, etc, etc. Say we do./ Mill and Bill complied. Chaagaal sighed.

/And you guys, same thing./ Boba and Momo said "we do."

/Then you're all married. Kiss and all that good stuff, and get me home/ Chaagaal scrambled up the wing of the Klyyynaii. /Hyah/ The bird flew toward Mos Eisley, and the two couples were left where it all began, with the Sarlacc and his devil-spawn. Everyone lived happily ever after.

Lucky Bastards.

**THE END  
**(really!)

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Thanks to all who read, especially those who gave me some feedback. As always, much ♥ to Miss Mill, Momo, and Paris, for letting me use their likenesses and beta-ing. 


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